Hey there, beautiful.
It’s me, your fears and insecurities. You know, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (yeah I can do that on my own now), and I am honestly the only true friend you’ve really ever had.
I’m the one who knows all of your disgusting habits. I’m the one who gets stuck with the tedious chore of filing away all of the filthy little secrets that you just can’t stop yourself from perpetually accumulating. I have the neverending responsibility of ensuring that your desperate attempt at pretending you’re “sane” goes seamlessly.
I know the depths of your depravity, and they are bottomless.
I have been here with you since the very beginning your social existence, and I kept a very detailed record.
We need to talk.